Life report

Sorry for not updateing such a long period. I don't really have a chance to stay at home due to lots of events going on and the problem between me and my grandma so I never stay home in daytime and tried to get up as late as possible......But the overall life in Hong Kong is great. At least I can see my boyfriend two time a week at least, this is what I can never do in Mass.

Next: HTC Touch HD, please look foward to my next entry "The most expensive cell phone in my entire life".

Finally, I made the way back.

Yup, now I'm back to Hong Kong. Like I had imagine...drinking had turned to be my habit. It was so hard for me to not have alcohol for almost 2 years...

I finished all by myself, fun huh? People said my cantonese wasn't like a typical Hongkongese...nah...I'll post my typing on the plane later...

Finally, the final product

This is the gift version for Mr. G, thanks for his hard work and inspiration. If he didn't say that, I'll never have a chance to finish that.

Lyrics - My love by F.I.R (我們的愛-飛兒樂團)

回憶裡想起模糊的小時候　雲朵漂浮在藍藍的天空
Remember when we were kids, the clouds float on the blue sky.　
那時的你說　要和我手牽手　一起走到時間的盡頭
At that time you said you would hold my hand, walk to the end of the earth.

從此以後我都不敢抬頭看　彷彿我的天空失去了顏色
Since then I'm dare enough to look upon the sky, seems like my sky lose it's color.
從那一天起　我忘記了呼吸
Since that day I forgotten how to breathe.　
眼淚啊永遠不再　不再哭泣
Tears, never never cries.

*我們的愛　過了就不再回來
Our love would never turn back since it passed away　　
直到現在　我還默默的等待
Till now, I'm still waiting sliently.　　
我們的愛　我明白
I understand that our love　
已變成你的負擔
Had turned to be your burden　
只是永遠　我都放不開
Only eternally that I can't let go of　
最後的溫暖　(你給的溫暖)　
The last warmth (The warmth you given)

不要再問你是否愛我　現在我想要自由的天空
Don't ask again that are you still love me, now I want the sky with freedom　
遠離開這被綑綁的世界　不再寂寞
Leaving this binded world and not feel lonely anymore

*Repeat

Comment:
This song was sing by a famous Taiwan band- F.I.R. This song had been existed in my MP3 player for four years. The lyrics of this song are really touching and saying excactly what I'm thinking right now...

Monologue

I was searching around.
I ran till my breath chokes.
Because of you.

I only want to see you.
I only want to stay beside you.
I only want to......love you.

You are like a star far away on the midnight sky.
I wished the dawn would never arrive so I can see you all the time.
But I saw the twilight around the corner.
I cried, but you never stay for me.
The dawn was approaching and you're fading away.
I reached my hand to you but it doesn't help.

Finally, you disappeared.
Left me alone with sorrow, like a midnight sky without stars.

Comment:
Poems about love is way more easy for me to get my hand in. Can I stop thinking about him? I know it is impossible......Only ten something days left......

Note: The last sentence in second paragraph should read slower, especally the part "...love you". The third paragraph should read in rapid, without stopping. And the last paragraph should read slower.

The one who lost the way on time axis.

Time flies, never stop for anyone.
People gone, never stay for anything.
Place change, never return anytime.
Everyone keep moving forward without voice.
Everything keep changing without turning back.

We live in the present, keep looking back to the past.
Feel that the past was always the best.
But we can never go back.

Since we're living we have no choice.
We're force to move foward.
We're force to look foward.
We're force to......

Comments:
Almost time going back to Hong Kong, two years changed a lot of everything.
Can I still reconize the streets? Can I still reconize my friends?
Can I still reconize the feelings that living in Hong Kong?
Too much to worry, too much for me to solve.

Overdue...

Seriously... my project is overdue now......

I opened a can of worms... There's way too much for m to do in this two weeks...

I wanna cry......T.T

Addicted to Astrophysics? The source of the name in fiction

Oh yeah, here I'm again. I'm here to say something.

I still remember the process of naming my fiction characters.
Misora was named after a place in a anime series, the reason I took the name was because the meaning of the name was beautiful.
Momoko...was named after the author(everyone knows...).
The weird ones was Nova Alastor. I was screwed of naming the teacher in vol 1 so the current verson of vol 1 the teacher wasn't named. But it turns out a big problem, if the story was in Chinese or Japanese the problem would not be so serious. The reason was, in Chinese and Japanese student would usually call the teacher "teacher(老師,orせんせい)"and not specified their last name, but in English teachers are usually specified their last name. While the vol 1 came to the end, the nameless teacher gave me a really hard time to write dialogs for him and Momoko. So I decided I must give name to the teacher in vol 2. The lucky thing was, I was reading a lot of Astrophysics articles in wikipedia(don't ask me how much I understood, I just interested and I have no idea what is calculus). Nova and Nebula always come up on the screen so I picked them up and add the last name Alastor, the god of justice in anime series Shakugan no Shana. Actually the name was really fit the story, Mr. A was a Physics teacher(of course he is a Physics(science) geek because you used someone for reference) and...
I'm gonna leak all the story plots if I keep explaining the name of Mr. A so I decided to stop explaining his name....(laugh out loud)

Btw...am I gonna spend at least five hundred bucks on grad related stuff?
Prom clothes..etc:$300+
Photos of grad diploma award:$25+
Grad party and prom tickets:$120
Oh my lord...that's my one month salary from Stop&Shop!

Writing class report...again...

29 pages had already typed in. Only 22 pages in word...

Ugh...I'm so dizzy now because of the small monitor of my little laptop.

I got distracted by a laser pen in library today at lunch. It was horrible that the kids using it and point to his friends, what kind of friend is he? Don't he know what is dangerous? I don't mind he bring it to school but please don't show it and point it to everywhere. I need to focus in my work and that was annoying! At the end of lunch I met my writing teacher at the exit of the library and told her the whole story. She asked me to told the librarian and point out the suspect. I was kind of scared because I need to point out the suspect in face. I pointed out the suspect and ran away as soon as possible. The feeling was horrible. The suspect knows I was the one who report...nahhhh...

May would be a long month for me: fiction typing, Mandarin project...ughhhhh....And I just receive the letter for graduate photo and all night grad party...also I need to make a appointment in MCC for placement test...and tomorrow shopping for prom dress......can I have one more day in a week?!

A little break

I didn't work on my fiction today, I need a little break.
Actually I was finding software to convert youtube videos to mp3, ya is mp3 because youtube got some good music but no mp3 download. It was kind of complicated, first needed to go on a website type in the video link, then use a special software(not every converting software can make it because mp4 is a video format but mp3 is a audio format, I had tried 3 softwares and that takes me almost 40 minutes) to convert it.
The quality of the sound was expected drop a little because of the format converting but not really bad...

Wanna play with the sketchbook for a while.

Finally done

The drafting was done yesterday....
Actually I wasn't so satisfied with ending B: The regret that can't be speak up.
Never mind, revise it later, but actually when I read that I really want to toss it...sigh...

Still have tons of work to catch up...

Fu#k up with the workloads

5.5 ending draft
3 sketchbook assignments
ESL worksheets
Physics packet for B block Monday(don't ask me why I have it)
Stop & Shop 4 hours(or 8 hours) working shift....

I'm totally fucked up with all of those above....

Ending draft start

Ok, the story part is 99% done. And the titles for the ending are ascertained.
They are:
A friend that far away.
We'll never fall apart.
A regret that can't be speak up.
We would keep going forward.
Keep out.
Thankyou, then goodbye.

The ending would be select be the reader while they reach the ending. The way to choose the ending would be by a little quiz.
So good luck while you're reading.

Gould's heartfelt thoughts (Remixed by Momoko)

Every morning I walked into the classroom,
as same as usual not the attendance I expected.

I had forgotten how many times I had been disappointed.
I had forgotten when I started being numb.
I had forgotten...

I didn't gave up.
I didn't despair.
Because there's always three student on time.

Still worth to keep my hope because of them.
Still worth to expect the class everyday.
Because a teacher would never give up any student.
I keep the hope...deep in my mind.
Whatever how much disappointing I'll meet.

Comments:
It was crazy...In Wednesday Mr G was composeing poems! I had forgotten the original verson he did...(Kinda like:I walk into class...saw no one in the left hand side...I sighed. And I look to the right hand side there's always three students in my mind...they are(name), (name), and (name))He said he rather do Math problems than write an essay...but now he was composeing poem...nah.
BTW...wish him good luck in the competition that in DC. Hope he would bring me some crabcakes when he is back.

Writing process of Vol2....

Yes, I must finish the hand draft before next Monday, no more later than that.

I need 2 weeks to type up 30 pages and now I got at least 60 pages to type up.

Mr G is going to DC for 6 days (4 school days) with a bunch of Physics geeks. Hope the "free blocks" he left for me can help. (There's going to be 8 blocks for me to work on something.) It's the time for me to use all the sign out dates.

Nah... time to get back to work.....

Btw...this vol would have a option for reader: multiple ending
Reader would have a choice to choose the ending they want.
The ending topic would be:
Friend that far away,
We won't fall apart,
A regret that can't be speak up,
We would keep going forward(ebullient future),
Thankyou and goodbye,

Not able to leave the past

Crossing (2008 film)

I just finish watching this a minute ago. The story was a really sad ending.

The story was about a North Korea man, Yong-soo who was a mine worker. His family was living in a small village until his wife was diagnosis of tuberculosis. In no way to get medical treatment, Yong-soo decided fled to China for medicine. When Yong-soo was on his way, he needed to keep escaping from the police of China. In a random incident, he got sent to South Korea. His wife died while he was in China and his son died while his son decided to fled to China to search for him.

Sometimes whatever how much we tried, we won't get good results. Youg-soo had tried hard for his wife's life even bet on his life, but his wife didn't make it and his son had died because his absence. The responsibility wasn't on Youg-soo but on the government. At this moment my thought is only hope every goverment would take good care of their citizens and take good care of the refugees.

One minute too late

8:50pm, I did all my work and tried to help out other department.
They were in a mess: returns, cash out from drawer, cleaning and calculating.
I put the returns back, running through the whole store.
Just like a bee, visiting everywhere to find what it need.

Finally I emptied the basket and peek my watch.
It was 10:08pm. I rushed to the clock,
slide my card but the clock refused.

I ran to my manager and told her what happened.
She had only one comment:
Momoko, it's one minute too late.

Comment:
It ended like a prose than a poem...I got yelled by my manager because I done my stuff but I still need a red card(a card in S&S that required if you're later (or earlier)than the time you're supposed to punch out). I finally left the store at 9:30 because my sis was a cashier.

The chain between me and her 2

Since then, my situation didn't change and I had stopped to resist.

The cutter she gave me is still laying in my pocket. Sometimes I would take it out and admire it for a long time. The existence of the cutter is important to me, it reminds me I'm not alone.

There's always someone in my mind.

Once I was admiring the cutter, someone else sneaked into my back. I turned around, didn't say anything. He started to ask me what was that.

I can't admit the existence of hers. I can't admit the wound she made. She can't appear in front of anyone.

She is the secret I need to keep.

I told him I don't know what was in my hand, and said this was the thing my friend asked me to keep it for her.

That's true, she asked me to keep it for her.

Actually he knows everything, nothing can escape from him. I made him to be a bystander, for me to continue my life.

Comment:

Well... this is inspired when he asked me. I admit that I keep a cutter with me all the time for work and some sort of reason. I doesn't feel safe in anywhere, even at home. I wanted to be alone.

A writing class special.

Seriously...I want to express something now.

The weird mood inside the science class...I can't explain......

What happened was a student late to class(horrible late)and the mood of the whole class sudden changed from happy to anger...

I rather she didn't go to class so everything would be okay till the end so the good mood of class can keep going on...

I was so pissed about her attitude to the student who gave effort in class. I don't think her failure in Q3 was cause by the teacher, she deserve a F in class. Since she know I got an A- she started to pissing off at me. Hey, I handed in almost all of my homework and never late to class! How about you? You came in late with dunkin doughnuts in your hands? And every time there's little math and you started act like a K-student who refuse to do anything? I really what to ask if you're not willing to study why you're here? Why don't you just stay at home and do something you want to?

Please, if you don't want to learn you can shut your self down but don't bother others who want to learn.

bookmark for class.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/12/22/081222fa_fact_goodyear

April writing process report of Vol2

Ya, got caught in class by Mr G...He sneaked to my back and caught me right away.
The fiction work under the Physics packet...this is not nice...

Also, got two shots and my arms wasn't working for three days.(But a 8 hours shift was looking for me in Sunday...)

Hand writing 50 pages...abandoned 9 pages...kind of disappointed but...nah...
Sometimes step back a little bit can have a bright new mind and way to do something...

Now I really have a contradiction about going back to Hong Kong for such a long time...should I give him up or tried to repair it? Or should I just go away...Now I really not love him but I don't want to give up what we did and what we bulit...I know, it was all my fault. I shouldn't leave HK, I shouldn't obey my family, I shouldn't tell Mr.N too much. There's a lot of shouldn'ts I shouldn't do but I did it all...it was all my fault.

Now if I'm in Hong Kong, I don't know how to face Kyoichi, and didn't know how to tell him what am I thinking now. And should I keep doing the thing that we used to do before?Should I? Shouldn't I?

The chain between me and her

A place with absolute silence, a chain and two people tied together.

I have no idea when I forgotten to tried to remove the chain that locked tightly on my neck. Maybe I had already lost the hope of getting away for a long time ago.
Another side of the chain is a girl who looks like me. She doesn’t like to talk and always have a cutter in her hand. I had already forgotten how long she had been here. Was the chain appeared first or she appeared first?

She understands me a lot, but I don’t understand her anything. She never smiles, every time I would only see her either cry or mad. Since the chain was on my neck, I can feel all of her emotions. When she feels sad, I’ll cry. When she feels angry, I’ll have the same feeling. When her heart broke, I’ll feel like there’s no value to live in this world.

In the outside world, we are in the same place. We have the same amount of friends, we share the same knowledge, and we share the same body.

Usually, she won’t appear unless someone said something really outraged. She would force to take over the body while that happens. While she takes over the body, she would never stops crying. She would set ourselves away from others, doing something that makes us painful, making us feel sad together. Actually I don’t like this, but since I can’t break through the chain I have no way to get away from her.

Once we got insult by someone, she took over the body and took out a cutter. She started to make some cuts on the body, one cut, two cuts, three cuts…I tried to stop her, then she look at me and walk toward me. Pointing the cutter at me and started to make cuts on me. I can’t run because the chain, scream for help in useless because there’s no one can help me. I let her do whatever she wants on me until she satisfied. Finally she made my body ruined like a broken doll, blood were dropping and spilling out from the cuts. After ruining me until she was satisfied, she thrown me a cutter, same as the one she got. She said: “If you don’t want to take it anymore, help yourself with this.”

Then she turned away from me like usual and she continued to cut the body of ourselves.

I can’t kill her because I need her. I can’t live alone so I lived with these for a long time. I had already got used with that…I think.

Being encroach is part of my life and I accept it. Maybe one day I would be assimilate by her so I’ll never feel painful and sad again.

Writer’s comment:
Well…this is one of my “state of mind” practices. The purpose of this practice is to make the reader feel a bit scared. Sketching mind is a bit tricky because a person’s mind is a fable existence, it affects a person but there’s nothing concrete.

Lonely working night

The shining flash in the corner,
The silence in the hallway.
There hid a person that works hard forever.

He never rests.
He never lazy.
He tried his best to make everything nice,
Even though everybody left him alone.

The people had left,
The sun had gone.
He concentrated on his work,
Even when everything goes wrong.

I hid at the corner,
Sketching everything in my book,
And saluting his hard work that no one would have known.
Then back to the world I belong to,
Silently told him: You would never walk alone.

For my Physics teacher Mr. Gould.

Comments from the author:
This poem was inspired at Mandarin night. I stayed at school till 5:30pm and didn’t expect he would be in school. At that time I was walking back to school from my friend’s house where near my school and what I saw was he was still at school in a hard working mode……
Since then, I’ll try my best to not forget to finish his homework on time. (But the fact was I didn’t hand out his homework next day because I didn’t have time to get the homework done.)

This is the blog I release my writing works...

Don't worry, I'll keep my xanga anyway. Xanga is for my record of life and blogger is for my writing...
If there is no one gonna read my stuff so why am I write?

By the way, I'm a bit busy working on my vol.2 fiction...this project is a little bit sticky b/c I tried and another way to express the story. Vol.2 is more focus on the character's state of mind. The mood of people is kind of abstract to sketch...
But the biggest problem is...I have no idea about the title of vol.2...
The title of vol.1 was: Deleted memories and existence-A little love song that had been forgotten
Should the vol.2 be: Recondited intention and elapse-A requiem that lead to the vengeance
OK that is weird....

I just want to sleep forever so there's no more problem for me....